Video: F*uck It’s Freezing (Part 2)
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Distress
She fucking pisses me off. Every time I am in her presence, I become distressed. How I wish I could just break out of this place I call home and escape to some place new. I avoid her at all costs, just so I can survive. Where’s my freedom? Bring me independence. I do not want to be near her or even have the simplistic conversation with her. We argue, there is no resolution. I am stressed when I encounter an ounce of her, and with all good reason. I need my space. Just please, I beg of you to back out of my life. Concentrate on something else other than myself. I want to do and experience more things, but you are the reason for why most of this becomes restricted. I want my own life, so why do you attempt to encounter my web?
Video Feature ‘Gay Myths Busted: Setting the Record Straight’
A little while back I had entered a video submission for Davey Wavey’s video ‘Gay Myths Busted: Setting the Record Straight’. Essentially it features me uttering the line ‘We don’t all listen to Brittney Spears’ with a poster of Bjork in the background. I became incredibly patience in its upload, until I discovered that my little scene was featured. This is also the second time I have been featured in one of Davey’s videos.
Video: You Are Beautiful?
Dishonesty is Really the Best Policy.
Danger, secrets, suspense. These single matters alone all add up to one thing, dishonesty. My somehow mysterious Internet style has now made its way and found a platform onto my life. I’m trying new things, but risking more than I intended. Other factors influence me, but all and all, I find myself completely hazy and not thinking straight in certain predicaments. My head is confused and dazed from my surroundings. What am I doing?
I’m unable to turn my concentration to the core elements. Im avoiding the most by standard of a relationship, honesty. I tell everyone but them. But how I adore the lies.
Psychology
There was never any mention of the word ‘psychologist’ in the led up to this groundbreaking event. My parents never spoke of the word out loud, and it was always referred to as ‘that thing’ or ‘the appointment’. I really didn’t want to go. What problems do I have that separate me from everyone else and that are so incredible that I, out of all people is forced to see a shrink. I don’t deserve this, I don’t want to blabber my ‘problems’ out to some lady who is apparently going to ‘fix me’. This process is familiar to me. It always happens when I had done something wrong in which I can’t disclose to the public. I’ve repeated the matter on several occasions and it’s always the same thing. They could not have picked a better day. The last weekend before the second term of school is about to begin and is clashing with another commitment which I so desperately need to go to, in order to save my skull from being eaten off from the moody, hypocritical bitches of the drama class.
I mean, when someone has a small problem, they don’t rush to a psychologist right? Some manage to deal with it and to move on. I have always been the kind of person to forget about things and revert back to them sometime later.
The waiting room was filled with cheap paintings and wasn’t exactly ‘high class’ so to speak. There were lounges that made you scratch yourself every time you made a sudden movement and there was a small television centered in amongst the seats. But for whatever reason, I didn’t seem to mind it.
I was so nervous I didn’t know what to think. My mind felt as if it dropped and I suddenly became quiet. I was clenching while witnessing first hand who I was going to have my session with. From the outside she seemed nice and been so behind closed doors. As expected we simply talked about techniques to do with my ‘situation’ and ways to manage it. I know it sounds cliche and seems as if I need ‘help’ but a lot of the things she said and mentioned, I agreed with and the way she talked was not forceful with whatever she said and had spoken in a clear manner while I listened attentively.
As of right now, I simply feel as if there are a few matters in which need to be adjusted, moreover I have greater awareness of my surroundings.
But at this moment I question a silly query. Am I really in touch with my voice as an aspiring writing? Do all the emotions and recollection of events appear visible in my mind and onto paper. And is this evident in my style and my conveying of information?
